Top 25 Reasons to Be a Cowboy | #12: Wild Cow Milking
With apologies to Randy Lewis, I don’t care what any ranch rodeo announcer has ever said over the loudspeaker. Wild cow milking is not a common, everyday occurrence on the ranch. While every other sanctioned event in the WRCA has strong roots in ranch work, the idea that cowboys rope and milk wild range cows regularly is wrong.
Of course, I won’t deny that some version of wild cow milking hasn’t happened on the ranch. Some silly first-calf heifer might not be letting her calf suck and a cowboy needs to fix the situation. Maybe roping her is the best solution given certain circumstances. But I haven’t seen too many punchers checking heifers with a milk bottle and three partners ready to jump off and mug the cow.
Instead, a cowboy would be more likely to load the uncooperative cow in a trailer and haul her and the calf back to the corrals to give her some time to consider her transgressions. If the calf needed nourishment, it’s there that he would put the cow in a chute or stanchion to milk her out—which can be wild enough in and of itself.
Fact-checking aside, the event as performed at the rodeos is an experience. It’s ranch rodeo’s version of a NASCAR: the fans are just waiting for the wreck. When a 1,200 lb. wet cow hits the end of the rope, the battle begins. The nerve, strength and confidence it takes for that first man to run to the head of a cow slinging snot is certainly uncommon. And when he gets there, those cows treat them as so many pounds of horn flies, tossing their heads with impunity.
Grabbing her tail is not for the weak-hearted, either, that man has to dodge flying hooves and exploding excrement. And the milker? Trying to get a stream of lactose into a beer bottle as a cow drags three other cowboys around might be on par with getting a camel through the eye of a needle!
The wrecks are epic. Cowboys get hooked, kicked, drug through the mud, stepped on, and flung through the air. Then, the run back to the judge with the milk bottle is sometimes the best watching—especially when, shall we say, a more husky cowboy ends up doing the running. The faceplants in the deep arena sand are nothing short of slapstick comedy. Sometimes, they simply run out of air before reaching the judge.
No matter what happens, in every performance of wild cow milking, there’s sure to be at least one story worth telling after it’s over. And while the least-practical event in ranch rodeo might or might not be the contestants’ favorite, it’s certainly a fan favorite—making it the 12th best reason to be a cowboy.
We would be remiss if we didn’t include our favorite wild cow milking photo: Ryan Rhinehart’s (Buford Ranches—Craig) wild ride at the 2017 WCRR.
